Joanna Wedding (21/11/07)

Mass Update...

Was on leave SECRETLY on Monday. Met up with Calyn, Mayling n Kat. We went to try anti-oxidant hot bed theraphy in Tampines. Was very relaxing so Mayling and Calyn signed up for the package. I did not as Tampines is too FAR for me lioa. After that, we went shopping. A very nice day for me tho was raining. Very relaxing and made me refreshed. :) Think I shall do this once a month! Hehe!

Was also on leave yesterday to look after bryant as MIL needs to work. Had a great time with him. :)

Tired weekend

Deli jio the gang to go chiong on Friday night during the wedding dinner. We settled on The Arena as it just opened in May and none of us have went before.

But Im soooo disappointed in The Arena. Is live band but not my style of music. After 30mins, I decided to go MOS instead and so we changed place immediately.

The music is definitely better and put me into dancing mood. :) Is been a long time since I went dancing. I enjoyed myself alot. Glad that Deli pushed me to go and relax. Had fun till 2am, reached home just in time to feed my prince. :) Manage to sleep at 3am but our prince decided to wake up and play at 6am. *pull hair* No matter how I pacify him, he refused to go back to bed.

On Saturday afternoon, we went to visit Grace. Bryant, the nosey parker, saw baby Cheryl and started to crawl towards her to rock her rocker, and also tried to pull her down from her rocker. -_-"
He also crawled all over the house and pulled everything he can get hold of. But I think he enjoyed himself alot coz he kept smiling and "talking" to Ginny and Sean. :)

Stephy Wedding

Steph held her wedding dinner on 29/10/2007, Monday. We had a great time, looks more like a gathering for us than a wedding banquet. Hehehe! Took alot of photos, as usual, without the wedding couple. ;)

Lousy weekend :(

I had insisted to bring Bryant out on Saturday although he just recovered from his fever and flu. He was super cranky at Sebas house due to insufficient sleep. I brought him into guestroom and tried to coax him to sleep but to no avail! He was throwing his tantrums and crying loudly! Everyone outside was worried but dare not say anything.

Deli came into the room and snatched away Bryant from me! Scolded me for not listening to him by insisting to bring him out. Bryant was crying non-stop and kept on leaning towards me but Deli refused to let me near him. I was close to tears! :( He warned me not to bring Bryant back to my mum's place on Sunday and we were to go home immediately. Suddenly Bryant vomited and I quickly snatched him back! Sebas drove us home and Bryant fell asleep in the car.

Both of us were quiet and ignored each other. MIL cooked us mee hoon soup for dinner. When we were having dinner, he asked me if I have understood his sentence. I stared blankly at my dinner and nodded my head and continued to eat.

He continued to tell me off! Asked me not to spread our home affairs to my good friends. If I am unhappy, I should say it out! Asked me not to act smart. Asked me is it I feel very proud by telling others. I could feel his stare but I chose to ignore and continued to eat. Not getting any reply from me, he stood up and left the kitchen angrily.

I was very upset and couldn't sleep at night. Alot of thoughts went thru' my mind.

"y arent i crying?? i got scolded le"
"do i feel proud tellin others? no im not, so y is he using this word on me? i need a venting out channel.. y i not allowed to do so?"
"am i acting smart? if im really smart, i wont marry him"
"am i happy?? no, im not.. im not me anymore"
"where's old shuping? i got no idea, she's lost"
"do i still love him? i dunno wat does love stands for now.. "
"wat does marriage stands for? to me: marriage stands for a couple to stay thru thick n thin, good n bad health"
"so does my marriage fulfils this criteria? i guess yes coz we went thru my bad health, so wat had happen?"
"will i be happy if im no longer in this marriage? maybe, at least i no need to face ppl i dun like"
"will bryant be happy? bryant will no longer be the same coz family is incomplete"
"shd i stay n persist on for bryant's sake? i really dunno.."
"so does he still loves me? maybe yes, maybe no, maybe he in love with other? he's waiting for me to initiate, i really dunno.. "
"does he really understand me?? sometimes yes, sometimes no, i really dunno.."
"y are there "dunno" answers?? I REALLY DUNNO!"

He was at his usual self yesterday. That's his usual way of handling matters. Pretend nothing has happen. Even he is in the wrong, he will also not apologise. I tried not to talk to him if possible. Answered him when he asked me questions.

The ice was broken when I watched the 9pm Channel U movie. It was saying something funny and I started to laugh for the first time yesterday. He looked at me and smiled "Very funny hor??"

Although we have started to talk to each other, I don't feel the same anymore.

Result OUT

Is NOT cancer. What a relief!

I have a ulcer in my mouth for 1 mouth. I went to seek GP advice. She said this is not a cold sore but she is worried it MIGHT be cancerous as it did not disappear for such a long time. Normal ulcer should disappear after 3 days. Therefore, with her advice, I went to seek specialist help in TTSH. The senior surgeon said this is retention cyst. Asked me not to worry so much. If the ulcer still did not disappear, I can come back to the clinic, and he'll surgically removed it for me. Minor operation.

Now I can sleep in peace!! :)

Sebas Wedding

Sebas held his customary wedding on 15/10/2007. We girls were asked to be his bride's "sisters" while the guys were the "brothers". Was a long and tiring day but everyone enjoyed themselves. :)

She is getting on my nerves!

I took leave on Tuesday to rest after a hectic day helping Sebas on Monday. Since I'm at home, I took care of Bryant needs. I don't see any problem at all!

BUT she is not making my task easy! As Bryant is being looked after by her from Monday to Friday, he tends to stick to her. Logical! No wrong! To me, in order to bridge the gap between us, I must make more effort to take care of his needs and have more bonding sessions.

I tried to feed him dinner and he saw her walking around the house and started to cry. She came out of her room and sat beside me and used toys to distract him from crying but Bryant still howls.

No choice. I decided to carry him to feed finish his dinner. She said she wants to take over but I rejected her offer and asked her if I can feed him. She actually said "CAN.. BUT HE DOES NOT WANT YOU AT ALL!!" and cried at the same time!

I was furious and carried Bryant to kitchen and finished feeding him in peace.

How can she said this type of thing to me!? Maybe I am OVER-REACTING.. But I still think she should not talk in this manner to me. Show no respect to me!

I hate her presence now. How I wish I can get out of that HELL soon!!

Quote of the Day!

An Exercise a Day keeps the FATS at Bay! ;)

Deli Angry Again..

MIL called @ 8.30pm, reminded me not to be home late, reminded me what "shen" has said. I said "OK". She called again @ 9.30pm, "IYOH!! What time you want to come back!?!" Replied her "Now". Told Deli we should head home and he agreed. On our way back, he asked me what she said and I told him.
When we reached home, she was shouting at her top of voice at FIL. "Why I cannot call them??!! I looked after him from Mon to Fri le!!" By then, Bryant has woke up and started to cry and I quickly went back to our room. Deli closed the door and went to their room. Deli asked MIL what's the issue and MIL said FIL complained that MIL should not called and disturb us. Deli asked her why she called me. She said should not come home so late. Deli replied "He's my son and I decide what time he comes home!" MIL started to scream "Why shuping never tell you!!" Deli shouted "She did tell me!! Mon to Fri you looked after him and I don't care what you do. But weekend he's being look after by me so you don't bother us!!" She screamed again "I care about him!!!" Deli shouted "I don't care! Just don't disturb us!!" She screamed again "I know I cannot carry him during weekend, cannot call!" Deli replied "YOU better remember what you say!" and left their room. Outside became very quiet. Deli came back into our room, smiled at Bryant and went to bath.
At that point of time, I felt very sad. Our house is no longer peaceful since Bryant's arrival. I am not blaming Bryant. All of us love him very much and want the best for him but all of us have different methods. Suddenly, I really wish to become SAHM so that I can take care of him myself and reduce the conflicts. But one house cannot have two women to control the port. Unless we have our own house, else this idea won't work. :(

Girls' Outing

Met up with the girls last night for dinner and shopping. Marie told us Carol hope we can wear cobalt blue in the morning. Initially we thought this color will be very difficult to find so we decided on yellow color but when we reached Far East, we can see this color EVERYWHERE. I managed to get a simple blue dress from Spellbound. I only need to buy a pair of heels and I'm DONE! ;) Now must start to crack our brains.. How to sabo our good fren, Sebassss....

Couple Time

Deli and I met up for dinner and shopping after work today. He wanted to buy a shirt for Sebas wedding dinner but couldn't find any nice ones. Went to Raoul, but too expensive. Still got 1 more week to find. :) When we reached home ard 9.15pm, our darling had already slept. We were quite disappointed as we rushed home immediately after dinner, hoping to spend a few minutes with him before his night sleep. Haiz. Nvm, we still have tomorrow. :) Oh ya, I bought a food jar for Bryant. Tomorrow can use when we go ikea shopping! Hehe!

Hectic Week

This week is so hectic for me, busy with UAT. So many problem logs. Thank goodness I have managed to solve all by today. My TL has promised user to deliver by tomorrow. User is still testing now, hope everything will be fine. *keep my fingers cross

Shopping Spreeeee....

Today meet may, zhen and marie for dinner and shopping.

Dress from Zara
Dinner bag from Anterprima
Total damage: S$454.90 (pocket big hole lioa!!)

Had a great time gossiping and shopping. We had decided to do this again next week! Hehe! Saw a group of ang mo (think rugby players) when we were on our way to Orchard MRT station. A few were quite hunky. *drool* They looked very young. Haiz, time passes so fast, next year gonna hit 30 lioa! :(

Wipha Typhoon

Yesterday saw channelnewsasia.com and found out typhoon was going to hit Shanghai. My heart nearly stopped beating. I quickly sms-ed Deli but he did not reply immediately and I thought something bad has happened.
He finally replied after 30mins or so. Told me his airline could be cancelled and alot of shops were closed. Told him to be careful and updated me any progress. He sms-ed me late at night and told me the typhoon was very scary. Hope the airline will resume and he can come back soon.

Pissed..

Received a call during lunchtime from a china woman who claimed she's doin a survey for asia tv station on hp. Told her Im not free and she asked me to give her juz 2 mins. I insisted not free and she blurted out "U go n Die la!" and hung up on me!!

So PISSED!! Spoilt my friday mood!! **grrr

Busy Friday

Last Friday accompanied Weishei to Comex 2007 during lunchtime. She wanted to buy a HP. In the end, we shopped till 6pm and she did not buy anything but I DID! Hehe!

Total damage:
1) 32" Samsung LCD TV
2) XBOX 360
3) Panasonic digicam (still inside my bag, think deli will scold me for buying another 1)

In the evening, went to attend helpers' meeting for Sebas and Carol's wedding. I'm the rep for the Yeo family as Deli could not make it.

Our job scope:
1) Deli to be in-charge of the red packets for the whole day;
2) Im the wedding dinner receptionist! Hehehe!

Is it a must... ??

Is it a must to sleep sarong?? So that his head will look nicer?

Is it a must to stay at home? So that he wont' become "huey kah"?

Is it a must to eat green vegetables? If do not eat, will he hate vegetables when he grows up??

Is it a must to eat carrots? Will it neutralize the western medicine effects?

Is it a must to look after Bryant when I'm at home? Will he forget my existence or grow distant if I did not?

Is it a must to insist on own style of upbringing for the child?

Is it a must to move out? Will moving out solve all the problems?

Why are there so many "Is it a must..??"

I feel so tired... so drained out..

Can I live with it.. ?? How long can I take it??

Why do we need to work????

ARGHHH!! This is the 2nd time I'm typing this!! Just now dunno hit what key and all my post gone! Now gotta re-complain again! ARGGHH!!

I was saying... I am so tired recently, with users chasing after me, i chased after chengdu staff, optus chased after me and i chased sesami. Then I get scolded by user saying I messed up his testing time which i find it ridiculous! He complained up to my TL and my TL called me from Optus to ask me what has happened. After listening to my explanation, he asked me to ignore that user coz he is THAT PARANOID.
Been quite upset recently. Went for upgrade interview a few weeks ago and the results is out. I'm REJECTED. Reason being: 1) Degree too technical; 2) Results so-so, no honours What is this man!?! My friends who took the same degree as me are SAs now! 1 promoted to Team Leader, another Project Manager! I really don't understand. I have been covering SA work for quite sometime lioa yet still say I don't have the skillset. Really demoralising. Think this is the indication to ask me to MOVE ON. My friends said "This is LIFE lor! Face it bravely!!"
SICKENING!!
But when i reach home from work, once I see bryant's smile, I feel so much better. He really brightens up my day when he smiles and laughs at me. :) Told deli that I want to resign and be SAHM (Stay At Home Mum) and he rejected my application immediately.
-_-"
Anyway, I don't think I can take it if I have to stay at home 24x7. Moreover life will be very tight with single income. Women should stay employed to get connected with outside world and *touch wood* in case the husband stray, we are able to support ourselves!

Upgrade Interview

Went for upgrade interview @ 3.30pm just now. The questions are mostly asked by Ger Yan (another IS director).

Her questions are really not easy to handle.. eg, "When you move up to SO level, there will be many SO competing during appraisel, how and what are you going to do to make sure you shine?" "Can you handle stress?? What kind of stress you have handle so far? Can you multi-task?" "What makes you think you are suitable to move up to SO grade?"

If I can make it, it is really a miracle!

Deli is ANGRY..

Deli had a heated argument with MIL last night.

Earlier, San Yi called and asked us what time we will be going over to Da Kim house this coming Saturday. MIL told her she will not be going and staying at home to look after Bryant. Only Deli and I will be going. When Deli heard this, he started to ask her how come Bryant cannot go. But MIL did not answer him and he followed her to her room. "Why Bryant cannot go??"

MIL replied him "That time when I went to wen shen, shuping said she will believe then I went to ask. Shen said Jia Kai cannot go out at night!"

Deli looked at her and replied "I want to bring him go Da Kim house on Saturday evening!"

MIL rushed into my room and said "You said you believe then I go and ask!!" I nodded my head.

She went out to living room "You really not going to listen to me?!"

Deli replied "I am his father! And I want to bring him go out this Saturday! Do you know he has not been going back to visit his grandparents for very long time?"

MIL shouted "Go back lo!!"

Deli replied "We will and you better stop talking about this!!" MIL went back to her room and cried.

When I woke up around 4am to prepare milk for Bryant, MIL came out of her room and said want to talk to me after I fed Bryant. She asked me to stand in front of the altar. "I have never stop you going back to your parent's place! They are your parents! They raised you up, just like me, raised Deli up! How can he talk to me like that!!??" And she started to cry. "My heart aches!!" FIL came out and asked MIL to stop ranting. She went back to her room and cried and I went back to my room but was unable to fall alsleep. I felt sad for her but felt that she deserved it too. Conflicting thoughts. She always want things to be in her way, regardless right or wrong, insensitive to others' feelings. Deli is brought up in this manner thus he became rebellious. I only hope Bryant won't become like him because MIL is taking care of him the same way she took care of Deli. *pray hard*

Ridiculous..

Deli told me his mum called him during the day to talk about Bryant. She said Bryant fell sick because we brought him out. She said when Bryant fall sick, we are the ones who are looking after him, not my parents. We are the ones who suffer. After hearing this, I felt damned angry! I asked Deli is she trying to say my parents passed the virus to Bryant?? It could be anyone!! His auntie also came to visit Bryant during weekend. It could be her! Deli was calm and tried to pacify me. Said he agreed and disagreed with his mother. He agreed with his mother that we are the ones who are taking care of him and was really hard on us. He also feels that she's abit over-protective over Bryant coz she looks after him during the day and spends alot of time with him. I asked him so is it I cannot go back to my mum's place anymore? He said I'm Bryant's mother, no-one can stop me to bring him back to my mum's place and he feels that his mum is only referring to going out shopping.

We stopped our conversation when we heard the door being opened. I quickly rushed into toilet as I had started crying. When I came out, I avoided eye contact with her and went back into our room. Deli came in after sometime and asked me if I'm angry with him. Told him no. He said his mother asked him if he has told me regarding their afternoon conversation. He told her no and she scolded him not a man if he has told me and yet told her no. I looked at him expressionless "Who told you staying together is a breeze?" He left the room without a word.

My tears start to drop again. :(

Back to work

Today is first day of work.

I miss Bryant!!

SAP Course

This whole week will be on course. Java Web Dynpro course. Is held at The Arcade. Wah.. stressful le. Dun think I'm cut out for Java programming!! :<

First Conflict

I know staying together is not easy. Mummy always reminded me not to be too rash and not to get Deli stuck in-between. BUT THIS IS NOT EASY.

Earlier in the afternoon, Xiao Kim was toking to MIL if Bryant sleep in sarong, his head will be more round and nice. But she knows I do not like the idea of sleeping sarong.

After everyone had left, MIL came to my room and raised her voice at me "Jia Kai is being looked after by me and I want him to sleep in sarong!!"

I was pissed and asked her back "SO when you wanna put him in sarong?? NOW??"

She replied "Not now" and left my room.

I can foresee.. My life will not be peaceful anymore!